It's Been Tough

Life has been very difficult lately. For some reason, I have never felt more insecure, alone, and desperate for change. I look around and see how incredibly blesed I am, but cannot rid myself of these feelings. Some may say they are normal. Others may say that everyone struggles with them. I see my friends and the joy that fills their lives and I am jealous. I yearn for that joy. I know it's not always constant and that joy wavers, but that does not change the way I feel. I just feel like I'm settling.
Today at church, the pastor spoke of this topic. He preached about people settling because it's easier than fighting for things you truly want. I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want to live my life with the glass half full. I want to be overflowing with joy. I miss my family. I miss my best friends. I witness daily my loved ones moving forward with their lives while I am at a standstill. I don't know how to escape these thoughts that have consumed my life for the past two weeks.
Staying busy definitely helps. It's when I am alone that things are more difficult. Free time and I are not friends. This week I have several tests, quizzes, meetings, and plenty of homework so hopefully my busy schedule will keep my mind occupied solely on those things. We shall see.

Bethany Dillon - You Are On Our Side

You Are On Our Side

Life has been pretty uneventful lately. Up until this week school was very mellow and did not create a lot of stress, which I was SO thankful for. For some reason, though, this week has not been so great. I've been struggling with maintaining a positive attitude and an upbeat, encouraging spirit. I am very discouraged and cannot figure out why. Maybe it's because school has picked up again and the workload is becoming more intense. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's because I haven't seen my two best friends in a while. There may not be a definite answer. I've been praying and asking God why I feel like this and so far He has not given me an exact answer, but I realized today that He does not have to. He does not owe us anything. Yes we are His children and He loves each one of us more than we can even imagine, but His ways are His own and not for us to agree with or understand.
To be honest, the only thing that is keeping me happy and cheerful is the song "You Are On Our Side" by Bethany Dillon. You know when you find that perfect song that no matter what kind of mood you seem to be in it never fails to bring you hope and joy? Well this song does just that for me at this moment. The words speak volumes to me about what God did for His people and the terrible circumstances Christ endured to set us free. The lyrics constantly remain in my head throughout the entire day and remind me that God does not judge. He does not pick favorites. He does not leave nor forsake us. Rather, He sent His one and only Son to die on a cross to save us from eternal death. He sits with the wounded and the poor. He provides comfort for the lost and the lonely. He brings hope to the broken, to those who lack confidence, to those who can no longer speak, or feel, or see. He is on our side no matter if we are on His or not. He does all this, yet we refuse to give up a few minutes each day to spend with our Creator, the one who gave us life. The one who gave (gives) us hope and a future filled with comfort and beauty and love.
I hope that the words of this song will speak to you as they have to me. I pray that you all will have a week filled with happiness and joy.

"You Are On Our Side"

The orphan clings to Your hand

Singing the song of how he was found

The widow rejoices

For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet

You are what he has searched for

The rich man is broken

When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for us

You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor

You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore

When You could just be silent and leave us here to die

Still, You sent Your Son for usYou are on our side

Still, You sent Your Son for usYou are on our side

Brooke Fraser - LOVE IS WAITING

Here is the video for the song "Love is Waiting".

Love is Waiting

This is officially my new favorite song right now. It is called "Love is Waiting" by Brooke Fraser. She sings about the value of waiting for the right kind of love to come into your life and the incredible gifts one can bring to your life. The words speak volumes to me right now. I recently ended things with a guy, and it didn't hurt or make me cry or anything, but made me realize that I do not need a guy in my life right now. I don't need a guy to make me happy. I don't need a guy to bring confidence to my life. This is what God is teaching me. He is revealing to me that He must be number one in my life. He must be my ultimate sustainer, my ultimate comforter, my ultimate provider. God will bless me with the desires of my heart if I seek him first. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Psalm 16:8. Even when I worry about the future and whether or not I will meet the man of my dreams, my Prince Charming, God reminds me that His plan is far bigger and better than my own and He will provide in His own timing.

I recently finished the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I read it a few years ago but did not fully appreciate the words and meaning of the story. It is based on the Book of Hosea in the Bible. Francine paints a beautiful picture of the ultimate love; not the one a man has for his wife, but the kind that God has for His children. I truly believe every girl should read this book. Each will be able to relate to the woman on some level. It not only teaches about God's love, but allows girls to finally understand that they are all worthy of receiving God's love. A certain part spoke volumes to be the last time I read it. Michael Hosea cries out to God asking why He would bless him with a wife then take her away despite the fact that Michael obeyed God's command to marry a prostitute. God answers with, "There shall be no other gods before me." Michael wonders why God would say this when he has always put Him first and foremost. God responds by saying that it was not him, but her who made Michael her god. God is teaching me that I must put Him first. If I want other things in life, then I must find complete satisfaction in Christ before I can receive anything else. He knows what is best and His timing is impeccable. I shall have no other gods before my God.

Here is the song. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do and I pray that the words will speak to your heart.

"Love Is Waiting"

In the autumn on the ground,

between the traffic and the ordinary sounds

I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through

I watch as lovers pass me by

Walking stories - whos and hows and whys

Musing lazily on love

Pondering you

I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell

When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

[CHORUS:]

I'll be waiting for you baby

I'll be holding back the darkest night

Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold

there's no other hand that i would rather hold

the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you

don't keep time, slow the pace

Honey hold on if you can

the bets are getting surer now that you're my man

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE:]

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name

I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again

and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,

neither should I rush my way into your heart

School Resumes Tomorrow

So, my second semester of school at UMHB begins tomorrow. To be honest, I'm a little nervous, probably because I now know what to expect. Despite the work load and serious lack of sleep it's so rewarding and worth the long hours. I'll be the first to admit that I am a bit of a nerd. I love new notebooks and pens fresh from the box at the beginning of the school year. I enjoy typing notes after each class, especially A/P :) I'm the kind of girl that completely over-prepares for tests by studying five days before the actual exam. My favorite place to study is at Starbucks. Oh goodness it's wonderful. I get my usual grande non-fat sugar-free caramel macchiato then find a table in the back corner by a window. Then, I take out a variety of pens, pencils, highlighters, sharpies, etc. Next, I lay out my notebook filled with pages and pages of notes, both handwritten and typed. I usually study two chapters per day, especially for anatomy, becuase otherwise I get too onerwhelmed and am unable to retain any information. This trend generally helps me do very well on exams. Now, this does not happen for every class. Last semester for sociology I studied maybe 30 minutes for each test and still pulled off an A :) I LOVE those classes because you don't have to pay attention in class, barely study, and still manage to get an A. Those classes are the best!!
Today will be a great day for relaxation! My two best friends here at UMHB, Nicole and Mary, are both back. We don't have much planned, besides our usual Sunday Walmart runs...those are always very entertaining :) Right now, though, I'm just sitting in bed sipping some coffee and watching One Tree Hill. What a great morning! I will update tomorrow letting you know how the first day went. Have a lovely day :)

Marathon = Insanity...

So does that mean a half marathon equals only partial insanity? I have always admired runners. I see them everyday, whether it be driving on my way to the store or taking a walk at the local preserve. I admire them. I respect them. And honestly, I am jealous of them. Their determination to complete the 26.2 miles inspires me. I do enjoy running...to an extent. It allows me to rid myself of any anger or hurt I may be feeling and just relax. I like the feeling of the wind blowing past me and the sound of my shoes hitting the pavement. I just wish I was more determined to run farther like those marathon runners. I'm not going to lie, the moment I feel like my lungs are about to explode and my heart is about to beat through my chest, I stop. I give up. I begin to walk. Now, this is probably the right decision from a medical standpoint. It's my body's way of telling me to slow down and take it easy. But to me it symbolizes failure. I do not like I failure. I like to complete every task at hand no matter how intense or trying it may be. But for some reason, when it comes to running, no matter how much I want to run further, I can't. So, with that said, I am going to run the White Rock Half Marathon next year. I have already started training by running a specific amount each day. It feels so fulfilling and rewarding to complete my goal each day. I am learning that it doesn't matter how many miles I run, but that I just finish. I have also been paying close attention that the food I eat. I have always been health conscious due to my diabetes, but still ate sugar and other foods that contained too many carbs. So as my New Years resolution this year I gave up sugar, COMPLETELY! It's been six days now and hasn't been too much of a struggle but more difficult at times than others. I never realized how much you crave something until you can't have it haha! But I am going to stay strong and not cave because this is something that is truly important to me and I do not want to give up. My sister and best friend are helping me and definitely been huge encouragements. Anywho, I am going to get back to OTH season 6...it's completely incredible...and I will talk to you tomorrow. Good night!

Welcome

Hello! My name is Ashleigh and I am thrilled to share my daily amusements with you. First, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a freshman a The University of Mary-Hardin Baylor...Go Cru! I am a nursing major and am very interested in neonatology and pediatric oncology. I am the oldest of three children and have a 17 year old sister, Hallie, and an 11 year old brother, Kyle. I attended Prestonwood Christian Academy for 10 years and absolutely loved every minute of it. My two best friends, Blair and Brittaney, attend Baylor University. Luckily, it's only a 30 minutes drive from UMHB so we are able to see each other quite often. I love spending time with my friends and family and enjoy going on big vacations with everyone. I love the Lord and have watched the incredible work of his hand and have witnessed his never-failing word especially over the past year. I love to cook and thoroughly enjoy Food Network. I have an obsession with the Twilight series. I have a celebrity gossip addiction and in another life would become a host on E! News. I hope you enjoy the daily amusing happenings in my life and will definitely try to write daily. Have a wonderful day :)