It's Been Tough

Life has been very difficult lately. For some reason, I have never felt more insecure, alone, and desperate for change. I look around and see how incredibly blesed I am, but cannot rid myself of these feelings. Some may say they are normal. Others may say that everyone struggles with them. I see my friends and the joy that fills their lives and I am jealous. I yearn for that joy. I know it's not always constant and that joy wavers, but that does not change the way I feel. I just feel like I'm settling.
Today at church, the pastor spoke of this topic. He preached about people settling because it's easier than fighting for things you truly want. I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want to live my life with the glass half full. I want to be overflowing with joy. I miss my family. I miss my best friends. I witness daily my loved ones moving forward with their lives while I am at a standstill. I don't know how to escape these thoughts that have consumed my life for the past two weeks.
Staying busy definitely helps. It's when I am alone that things are more difficult. Free time and I are not friends. This week I have several tests, quizzes, meetings, and plenty of homework so hopefully my busy schedule will keep my mind occupied solely on those things. We shall see.