Waiting

Waiting:
1. To remain inactive or in a state of response, as until somehting expected happens
2. To look forward to eagerly
3. To be in readiness for; be reserved for; await. Glory waits thee.

The term waiting seems to be a constant struggle in my life. The idea of waiting is one I do not appreciate. In life, humans constantly have to wait for somehting; waiting for Mr. Right, waiting to graduate, waiting for the perfect job to come along, waiting to have enough money to buy a house, waiting for the right time to have children. We wait, and wait, and wait. Or rather we long for, hope for, pray for. The list goes on and on. The 21st century has trained young minds to not wait patiently, but rather to demand actions to take place immediately, to expect change to happen here and now. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to see plans fall into place, we oftentimes find ourselves in trouble when we attempt to take matters into our own hands. We've all experienced those days when we are unable to let go. All too often I find myself in situations that resemble this statement. I tend to refuse to release the threshold I have on life due to an irrational fear of not being in control.

Okay, focus Ash. Bring it back. Get back on track.

Raise your hand if you hate waiting...just FYI, I raised both hands. It is not in out nature to wait. We think we have all of the answers and knowledge to sail through life. Reality check: WE DON'T. God knows what is best for each one of our lives. He is able to see the big picture. He sees what we cannot. His omniscience conquers all fear we experience, His grace covers all eliminates all doubt we feel about the future, and His love destroys all insecurity we endure about the time and place we are in our lives.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

This passage sums up the point I am trying to make. We memorize this verse and recite it to those struggling with impatience; however, we fail to truly understand the meaning of these words. The Lord commands us to let go of all worry and doubt and allow God to take the reigns. In other words, let go and let God. He knows best. He knows all.

The Lord does not want us to worry about your future spouse, your financial status, finding a job, graduating in four years, etc. He desires for us to fully trust Him and believe in His flawless plans. A friend once said that we do not need to worry about what is to come, but rather to be completely content where God has us in life and enjoy every moment.

I struggle with waiting for "the one." I truly believe God plans for me to get married, I just do not know to whom or when. I constantly find myself wondering if the next guy I meet will be the one I am supposed to marry or if we have already met. I have been single my entire life. I have dated a couple of guys, but nothing one would consider a relationship. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never had my first kiss. I've never experienced being in love with someone on this earth. Most days, I am perfectly okay with these circumstances. I am even thankful. Thankful that I have never been heartbroken, never been betrayed by a man, or used by a guy. I am, however, still a girl from the South. I must remind myself that it is not the right time to have a boyfriend. Who knows when that time will come, that is up to the Lord. Until that day, I can either choose to live a satisfying life fully trusting God, or I can live a disheartening life where I am constantly disappointed by my failing plans.

"Love is Waiting" by Brooke Fraser says it best. Love is waiting 'til we're ready, 'til it's right...and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start, neither should I rush my way into your heart.

Be blessed.

Sisters

"The desire to be and have a sister is a primitive and profound one that may have everything or nothing to do with the family a woman is born to. It is a desire to know and be known by someone who shares blood and body, history and dreams, common ground and the unknown adventures of the future, darkest secrets and the glassiest seeds of truth." ~Elizabeth Fishel

Be blessed.

Sorrow and Joy

"Sorrow was beautiful, but her beauty was the beauty of the moonlight shining through the leafy branches of the trees in the wood, and making little pools of silver here and there in the soft green moss below.

When sorrow sang, her notes were like the low sweet call of the nightingale, and in her eyes was the unexpectant gaze of one who has ceased to look for coming gladness. She could weep in tender sympathy with those who weep, but to rejoice with those who rejoice was unknown to her.

Joy was beautiful, too, but his was the radiant beauty of the summer morning. His eyes still held the glad laughter of childhood, and his hair had the glint of sunshine's kiss. When joy sang his voice soared upward as the lark's, and his step was the step of a conqueror who has never known defeat. He could rejoice with all who rejoice, but to weep with those who weep was unknown to him.

'But we can never be united,' said sorrow wistfully.

'No, never.' And joy's eyes shadowed as he spoke.

'My path lies through the sunlit meadows, the sweetest roses bloom for my gathering, and the blackbirds and thrushes await my coming to pour forth their moist joyous lays.'

'My path,' said sorrow, turning slowly away, 'leads through the darkening woods; with moonflowers only shall my hands be filled. Yet the sweetest of all earth songs-the love song of the night-shall be mine; farewell, joy, farewell.'

Even as she spoke they become conscious of a form standing beside them; dimly seen, but of kingly Presence, and a great and holy awe stole over them as they sank on their knees before Him.

'I see Him as the King of Joy,' whispered sorrow, 'for on His head are many crowns, and the nailprints in His hands and feet are the scars of great victory. Before Him all my sorrow is melting away into deathless love and gladness, and I give myself to Him forever.'

'Nay, sorrow,' said joy softly, 'but I see Him as the King of Sorrow, and the crown on His head is a crown of thorns, and the nailprints in His hands and feet are the scars of great agony. I too, give myself to Him forever, for sorrow with Him must be sweeter than any joy I have ever known.'

'Then we are one in Him,' they cried in gladness, 'for none but He could unite joy and sorrow.'

Hand in hand they passed out into the world to follow Him through storm and sunshine, in the bleakness of winter cold and the warmth of summer gladness, as sorrowful yet always rejoicing."

Gregory Floyd

Blessed

Spring Break 2011 has barely begun; however, I have had such a beautiful time with my family. Never have I appreciated their company more than now. Despite Mama's OCD qualities and constant worrying, despite Hallie's determination to be an independent woman, despite Dad and Kyle's obsession with The History Channel, the past two days have been abounding in blessings. The Lord certainly knew exactly what this 19 (soon to be 20) year old needed.

Today, Mom and I went shopping. All day. No joke. We were able to spend hours upon hours together, just talking and catching up. We talk on the phone daily when I am at school, but it's just not the same as being in someone's presence. We talked, and talked, and talked. Did I mention we talked? We discussed shallow issues, then moved into deeper matters. The highlight of today was driving in the car after lunch. We were discussing a book, when all of a sudden I noticed Mom got a bit choked up. She then began revealing her heart for the Lord. Talk about a beautiful mother/daughter moment. Mom talked about heaven, the Lord's abounding love and mercy, His undersavble grace, and the fact that one day we will get to praise our one true Father for all of eternity. Cue the second round of tears.

My love and thankfulness for this family grow daily. You do not truly appreciate them until you are unable to see them on an everyday basis.

I cannot wait to see what is in store for the Holden's during SB 2011.

Be blessed.

Taking Chances

Sweetfully Pure

My dear roomz just posted this video on her blog. I watched it. I cried through the entire thing. I prayed that one day I would become a Mrs. (like Jill) and find someone like Gene. I then couldn;t help but post this video on my own blog. It's just too sweet. I completely admire the way Gene and Jill look at each other and thank God for giving themselves one another.

I have two favorite parts. 1. 0:58. The way Gene looks at Jill for the first glance. I pray that I have a husband who looks at me that way. 2. The lines from 1:00-1:05. I will say these same words in my wedding. One day. Patience, Ash, patience.

Please enjoy.

Gene + Jill // Two Pease in a Pod from capture studios on Vimeo.

Until next time,

Where Did the Year Go?

Seriously, where did it go? I feel like I just blinked and poof, there it went.

2010. A year of laughter, lessons learned, trials, new friends, and growing more than I could have ever imagined. I walked into 2010 with my head held high, not expecting much. I had wonderful friends, strong ambitions, and good work ethic, but did not expect to be stretched the was I was this fall. God taught me more than I ever dreamt. He taught me about the meaning of friendship; the value in having a strong, supportive family; and the importance of relying on God for everything. Literally, EVERYTHING. 2010 was a year I will never forget. While I would never choose to throw it away, I am able to say with certainty that I would never choose to relive it.

I am looking forward to 2011 and what is to come. I have learned to not plan what I want to happen throughout the year, but rather trust that God has a bigger plan than myself. Cliche, I know, but this has proven to be true time and time again.

I start nursing classes in six days. Holy moly. How did this happen? I am excited, nervous, anxious, and shocked that I am already at this point. I do not feel old enough, but according to the manilla envelope full of nursing papers, I am. I won't argue with the UMHB College of Nursing. :)

I hope you all had an extraordinary holiday season. May the Lord bring each of you a year full of happiness, joy, peace, trying experiences, and growth.

Until next time,